Archive for November, 2011

Facebook rates this application at #2!! Are you surprised??
So was I when I first noted the number of users it has and all the hype surrounding it and believe me these people actually call it a ‘GAME’.
I was not a farmville user until last week when one of my friends sent me a request in farmville and later called up to start using this application!! I know how much offended and annoyed I feel when I see Farmville notifications and news feed full of ‘x’ gifted ‘hen’ to ‘y’ and ‘z’ raised crops and blab la so I never wanted to experiment it on my profile and annoy my likes!! I used Farmville on a dummy profile and my experiences of it make me to write this!!
On the scale of 1 to ten I rate it at 2.5; I honestly don’t know why I am giving those two points as well!!
There are lots of reasons for hatred for this so-called game and most of them are logical. I will try to present them for you all here!!
PS: I DO NOT MEAN TO OFFEND ANYONE BY WRITING THIS, ITS JUST WHAT I FEEL AND BELIEVE!!
1. WASTE OF TIME:
Farmville is such a waste of time. When I stop to actually think of how much time I spend on this game, between actual game play and sending gifts to friends, it amounts to at least one hour per day. Isn’t it insane to spend one hour just to think what to play??
2 Clever design of the application
At first, when the game starts you off at the lowest level, you advance at rapid speed. After one full harvest, you’re up a level. You think, “Wow, I could get far in this.” This is aside from the lovely fact that the game showers you with endless gifts and freebies while you are a newbie. You are awarded ribbons and coins for practically no reason at all. My initial motivations when playing were that I wanted to reach the highest level, have the largest and fanciest farm (Farmville allows for much customization – also appealing), and to strategically beat out all of my friends who have been playing for months! My plans were working quickly at first. When you reach level 20 though, it’s a slow ride from there. Which leads me to number 3. Once you give in there is no escape, you have to login to reap what you sow isn’t it??
3 Farmville is a waste of money.
I don’t care what anyone says — EVERYONE who has reached a high level in Farmville has pulled out their credit card at some point. When you reach a slow point and there is hardly any action occurring like it used to, you trick yourself into paying money for Farm Cash and did you ever think what for, a virtual chicken a virtual farm?? Bullshit!! I would rather play FEAR1 and NFS to feel better!!
4 Purpose less game and collections
Farmville puts out new collections too frequently, and doesn’t switch up their gifts often enough. What if I don’t want to send my friends a white chicken or a goose? Once in a blue moon when Farmville does put out a new gift, you have to go to farmville.com to send it. Why? What is the point in this? Frustration is the only one I see!
5. Farmville cannot be hacked. When a hack does come out, the game catches up within a very, very short time. There are no damn cheats on internet for it, and if any are very well countered by the developers, this should be a positive point but given the crap state and slowness of the game who can play without cheats??
Lastly Farmville is small time sucking tool which will drag you to become a virtual farmer and lose everything you are in possession of!!!
Peace

Dear Programmer,

My job is to help you look good. My job is to support you as you create quality; to ease that burden instead of adding to it. In that spirit, I make the following commitments to you.

Sincerely,

Tester

1. I provide a service. You are an important client of that service. I am not satisfied unless you are satisfied.

2. I am not the gatekeeper of quality. I don’t “own” quality. Shipping a good product is a goal shared by all of us.

3. I will test your code as soon as I can after you deliver it to me. I know that you need my test results quickly (especially for fixes and new features).

4. I will strive to test in a way that allows you to be fully productive. I will not be a bottleneck.

5. I’ll make every reasonable effort to test, even if I have only partial information about the product.

6. I will learn the product quickly, and make use of that knowledge to test more cleverly.

7. I will test important things first, and try to find important problems. (I will also report things you might consider unimportant, just in case they turn out to be important after all, but I will spend less time on those.)

8. I will strive to test in the interests of everyone whose opinions matter, including you, so that you can make better decisions about the product.

9. I will write clear, concise, thoughtful, and respectful problem reports. (I may make suggestions about design, but I will never presume to be the designer.)

10. I will let you know how I’m testing, and invite your comments. And I will confer with you about little things you can do to make the product much easier to test.

11. I invite your special requests, such as if you need me to spot check something for you, help you document something, or run a special kind of test.

12. I will not carelessly waste your time. Or if I do, I will learn from that mistake.

Tom Hanks for ‘Cast Away’

John Travolta for ‘Hair Spray’

Christina Bale for ‘The Mechanist’

Gerard Butler for ‘300’

Charlize Theron for ‘Monster’

Well I finally realized that it’s all about algorithms, the role algorithms play in our lives is important and crucial and hence understanding them is of utmost importance. Its as simple as that, if you don’t have an algorithm you’re screwed, dead, no future at all.
We at the future love and relationship centre believe in helping and algorithms come in handy. Our team of three have tried and tested these algorithms and fine tuned them with what you call as ‘optimization techniques’ to provide hundred percent success rate. I don’t know how my other two friends are going to react to this post, but yeah guys I believe in helping so be it, our friendship at stake. 😀
Alright without wasting any further time in self appreciation, I would like you to focus and concentrate on the algorithm part because it is dry without any reference to any flowchart or diagram.
We assume that you start stalking around (let’s call it for time being) from college.
Start
Step 1
Your eyes are your binoculars, make good use of them and find your targets (should be more than five for efficient results.
PS: Never and I repeat it, never look for target in your own class. [You don’t want to end up regretting at the end.]
Step 2
Information gathering
You’ve a narrowed search result consisting of only five girls. Whoa! Cheers to that.
Facebook them, follow them on twitter, and if you’re charming, liar and sophisticated make friends with them [All of them, I repeat ‘ALL OF THEM’]
Nb : It is very important to be friends with all of them, we can’t ignore the detail part of the information gathering process. Inadequate information gives no result, isn’t it?
Step 3
I always thought quotations [Love and relationship], inspirational, positivity, were nothing but crap, I haven’t changed and hence single till date, infact I’m the only one who is single among us three. Isn’t it guys?
Follow every quotation, every facebook page that reads ‘Gyaan’ [Utter crap], every twitter bot that is as ugly as shit and yes don’t forget to neighbor those five girls in ‘Cityville’. I’m sorry but you will have to play these for love sake. I know it sounds gay but deal with it or stop reading this post. Remember to throw an occasional sheep or hen in ‘riya’s’ yard and borrow some eggs [hen eggs] from priya in Farmville. Make sure you send them flowers every morning using those Korean applications on web. E cards are a strict no.
Change your home page to the network that they follow the most. Be online 24/7, deal with it! Love is not easy. Change your profile pic to ‘Justin beiber’ or some other gay kind cartoon holding heart in hand or with a beautiful quotation. This works!!
Now that you’re one of those fellows who rarely misses to comment/like or share their (5 girls) posts, I assume you have gathered some information about them.
Ok, I know this is bit disappointing but this is the ultimate truth, three out of those five have fallen for their best friends from school!! I hate guys who use school as base for war, spineless creatures. I know it hurts, but hey look for the silver lining, you have to concentrate on two girls only. Lesser the better!!
Step 4
Just do it!!
Now that you’re real good friends with the two girls, I ASSUME YOU TO BE!!
Share your joys (lies) and sorrows (Moulded truths) with only ONE of the two girls and be very casual friend with the other one.
Now this other girl if she feels a thing about you, she will bitch about the other one you’re close to [pretending to be close].
Notice her behavior, online as well as offline. Online-She has decreased her facebook activity and most of her time is spent in searching for depressing profile picture or an ultra sad status update.
If these conditions prevail, you win!! Don’t act fool now, you’re almost there!
Step 5
Say ‘I LOVE YOU’ to the one you’re really pretending to be close. I know *Face palmed*!! Don’t worry, this is what algorithm wanted as result, you’re doing just fine.
‘I love you’ doesn’t always mean a bollywood ending, for some girls it’s just a sign of staying away from guy who uses this. 😀
Step 6
Go home and tell your only girl to change her profile picture to the photo which you two clicked together. Update your relationship status and its all done, she is yours now.
Start liking all her ‘How love wins?!’ posts. And don’t forget to block the other four girls. 😀

Algorithm to buy a gift. :D

Posted: November 15, 2011 in Humor
Tags: , , , , ,

Nb : This post is purely for humor purposes with no references to anyone who has invited me for dinner till date and well, after reading this I am pretty sure no one will ever make the mistake again!!!

“A dinner invitation once accepted is a sacred obligation”__—___ some wise person!!!

Anything that breaks monotony is always welcome in an engineer’s life and if you talk about breaking the jinx of self made food then this call for dinner invitation was the best thing that happened to me in last few days!!! I was really sick of self made, rather under prepared food and mostly rely on junk and you know what repeating junk for 7 days a week, three times a day actually means!!!!:( I love festive season for an ‘odd invite’ that it brings along for ‘d bachelor’!!!

“please do come, awryt”, my uncle just called me to confirm that I was not disappointing them big time like I did every time by missing almost all of the family gatherings and dinners and everything else that is reffered to as socializing according to my parents and few close friends!!

I maintained a ‘not so desperate profile’ and believe me it is the hardest thing to do when every digestive juice of yours is crying inside for something that actually tastes good, hence my tongue betrayed my ‘fake’ self and I confirmed the acceptance of dinner invitation!!!

And there I was knocking on the door after an hour or so after the call. Desperation and excitement make you do silly things, and this is what exactly I did, I preferred knocking on the door when an electric door bell was installed on the gate, to be really honest I did not notice it!!. It took them 5 minutes to notice that a creature was struggling with the gate and my uncle finally opened the door and hugged me, he pointed me to walk upto the house and checked the door bell to see if it was out of order or his ‘little boy’ was crazy!!

Fortunately he has never mentioned the line that has the power to embarrass me in every possible corner where I have little respect, the line, “beta door bell was working, why did not you use it??”

The only thing that was on my mind was good food and this sure was not on my uncle and aunty’s mind. Night actually becomes a nightmare when you are thought to be very wise and thoughtful person and I had to live it all from the moment I entered the room, and believe me living wise when you actually aren’t that wise demands a skillful way of lying and cheating!!! (fact)!! Soon aunty ji pointed to tv and said, “This modern generation!! Ah look at them, is this music??”

Both of them looked at me for an answer that would establish that they were right in blaming the generation next for everything that they showed up on tv!!

Believe me, if not for that dinner, I would have never lied! Ah selfish me!! “This is really indecent uncle”, I replied and changed the tv channel to some news channel to kill the root cause of talks like this!!!

On dining table finally!!!!

I prided myself when I finally got on to that dinner chair, there were three chairs around the table, meant for all three sophisticated people who talk sense before dinner and make their guests wait like anything!! I believe people actually make you wait for the dinner because it serves them two things, first since you have waited for so long it is unlikely that you will waste the food. Secondly, pre dinner and post dinner conversations actually have a little history, history of love, history of times when people invited relatives and friends not just to dine with them but be with them, I mean everyone has his own square meal no?, why to invite someone to come and eat your pockets away!!! Pure love which has turned to nothing more than a formality!!!

Anyways I had waited really long to get on this chair which I valued like a chief minister values his political chair!!! I do not remember clearly but I discussed politics, religion, society and cousins along with all other things which had no relevance either with me or my hosts, like for example I tried explaining them the concept of “routing” and congestion when he asked about some layman electronic thing!!! Thus to say I actually earned my dinner after wise talks of two hours. I wish I had the recordings of all the ‘wise talking’ I did I could have easily made it to the higher levels of ministry of divinity!!!

Ah!! Finally dinner arrived, uncle and aunty made every possible effort to make my plate look like well decorated and full 200rs hotel trademark dinner plate!! I saw love and care when they were flooding my plate with everything they had prepared, I never wanted to get carried away by emotions and in order to help myself I started lying about the doctors who once had advised me to stay away from oily food and fish!! “amazing!! It always helps!!!”

I had one of the best dinner’s of my life!!!

I hope people keep me inviting!!!

message

Do not waste food.

Do not accept dinner invitations if you cant talk good!!

Keep decency at home if you really want to enjoy food!!!!

 

via Life unfolded..