Archive for the ‘Entertainment/Humour’ Category

If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what you think?.”
Practice making SMS and modem noises.
Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc” them to your friends and collegues.
Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with prophesy.”
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the room.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way.”
Staple pages in the middle of the page.
Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
Honk and wave to strangers.
Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
Type only in lowercase.
Don’t use any punctuation either.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
“DO YOU HEAR THAT?”
“What?”
“Never mind, it’s gone now.”
As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
Ask people what gender they are.
While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
Sit in your front side of your terrace pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
Sing along at the opera.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles.”
You got any other interesting ways, you are welcome to share them up here!

How to Get Certified!!!

Posted: February 7, 2011 in Entertainment/Humour

Here i present the basic algorithms/steps to get success in certification exams!!
And now if you are thinking that the following few points will help you in certification, you are looking at wrong source, that is what I can say here!!!
Enjoy and who knows you too may achieve something by following these kind of algorithms!!!

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lit place in front of your computer.

2. Log onto FACEBOOK and GOOGLE TALK(be sure to go on away!). Check your email as well.

3. Read over the Syllabus carefully, to make certain you understand it.

4. Walk down to the market and buy some cheese burger and chocolates to help you concentrate, cheese burger to feel good!!

5. Check your email as soon as you return back.

6. Call up a friend and ask if he/she wants to go to park to get some fresh air, Just to get settled down and ready to work.

7. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lit place.

8. Read over the Syllabus again to make absolutely certain you understand it.

9. Check your FACEBOOK account and other profiles you don’t miss.

10. You know, you haven’t written to that girl who told you to write some stuff to her.
11. Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.
12. Grab some juice from kitchen.

13. Check yourFacebook account again. ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR YET?!

14. Chat with one of your friends about the future ie how to make the girl who ditched our friend look cheap.

15. Check your Facebook account once again.

16. Listen to your new mp3 and download some more.

17. Phone your friend{Studious one} and ask if he’s started studying yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your professor who could have handed out the ‘cheat sheets’, the
course, the college, the world at large.

18. Walk to the shop and buy some popcorn. You’ve probably run out of everything in kitchen.

19. While you’ve got them you may as well buy newspaper and read sports page straight away to get disappointed at yet another defeat{YOU KNOW WHICH TEAM I AM TALKING ABOUT}

20. Check your FACEBOOK account again, if nothing is happening, update a sad staus update to shake up the people who think about you..

21. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren’t missing something truly worthwhile on TV.

22. Play some solitare and chess against computer.

23. Check out facebook.com.

24. Wash your hands.

25. Call up a friend to see how much they have done, probably haven’t started either.

26. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.

28. Check to see if facebook.com has been updated yet.

29. Check your email in the sent items to see if that girl got the mail, read it aloud and feel good, listen to your new mp3z{they should have been downloaded by now}.

30. You should be rebooting by now, assuming that windows is crashing on schedule.

31. Read over the syllabus one more time, just for heck of it.

32. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.

33. Lie face down on the floor and moan.

34. Punch the wall and break something.

35. Check facebook.com.

36. Mumble obscenities.

37. 5am – start googling about the topics present in syllabus, go through the hand notes and ‘cheat sheets’, that you downloaded.

38. Complain to everyone that you didn’t get any sleep because you had to apper in a very important exam.
39. Go to class, solve every question, and leave right away so you can take a nap.

Things actually were very much same on the day we all got IBM certifications!! CHEERS TO LIFE

**Twisted twilight**

Posted: February 1, 2011 in Entertainment/Humour

Ah I just finished reading a rather funny book called as ‘Twilight’ , by Stephanie Meyer, thank GOD my laptop stopped working the day I got the DVD by the same name!! To be really honest, it was ‘suggested’ by someone I thought had good taste of books, I am tempted to think about your choices now honey!!!
After all that I suffered while reading thru the pages of the ‘twilight’ tale, I decided to relax for sometime, and I really need to thank a dear fren of mine for her ‘stress busting technique’, believe me writing this would not have been possible in that ‘state of mind’ without that!!
Now I am not going to trouble anyone by narrating the vampire story, I am going to make you people laugh on the ‘vampire story’.. believe me you will see ‘twilight saga’ in a whole different avatar here!!

To summarize the storyline, Edward is an Adonis-lookalike vampire who distanced himself from standard-issue vampires and went on one of those low-carb, non-human diets. He mingles with humans, pretending to be human, and attends high-school. In lunch and other recess times, he practices being awesome. Along comes the classic dumb heroine, Bella, who is beautiful but doesn’t know it, has everything but brains. To Edward she smells like irresistible food and makes his life miserable. So our 100-year-old vampire eventually falls in love with 17-year-old Bella. Talk about age gap. In case I haven’t mentioned it, the author reminds you every two pages that Edward is an awesome personification of awesomeness. I was\really awe stuck!! Rest of the story is the standard formula. Add forbidden love, a pinch of angst and a villain and shake it. Out pours a saccharine love story.
As you can see, the story is just laughable. I kept imagining somebody falling in love with their food. To give you a better picture, here is how the story will look like if told by Edward, a human being, who falls in love with his food.

I am Edward. I am a human being. I used to eat chicken for breakfast, lunch and dinner and when I got hungry in the middle of the night. But I became a vegetarian. I vowed not to eat chicken any more. In fact, I go to school with a flock of chicken and pretend to be a chicken myself.
One day, this extraordinary chicken waltzed into my class! It smelled just like Butter Chicken Masala . I was overcome with hunger. It started looking like a barbecued chicken, so enticing, so inviting. But at the same time, I was terribly attracted to it too! I had all these feelings I couldn’t understand. Let’s just say, chicken breast started meaning more than just a sandwich to me. I was confused. Testosterone and hunger fought for control over my body. I wanted to kiss its delicate wing, make sandwich out of it, cuddle it and whisper Chicken-65 recipe softly into its Ah I just finished reading a rather funny book called as ‘Twilight’ , by Stephanie Meyer, thank GOD my laptop stopped working the day I got the DVD by the same name!! To be really honest, it was ‘suggested’ by someone I thought had good taste of books, I am tempted to think about your choices now honey!!!
After all that I suffered while reading thru the pages of the ‘twilight’ tale, I decided to relax for sometime, and I really need to thank a dear fren of mine for her ‘stress busting technique’, believe me writing this would not have been possible in that ‘state of mind’ without that!!
Now I am not going to trouble anyone by narrating the vampire story, I am going to make you people laugh on the ‘vampire story’.. believe me you will see ‘twilight saga’ in a whole different avatar here!!

To summarize the storyline, Edward is an Adonis-lookalike vampire who distanced himself from standard-issue vampires and went on one of those low-carb, non-human diets. He mingles with humans, pretending to be human, and attends high-school. In lunch and other recess times, he practices being awesome. Along comes the classic dumb heroine, Bella, who is beautiful but doesn’t know it, has everything but brains. To Edward she smells like irresistible food and makes his life miserable. So our 100-year-old vampire eventually falls in love with 17-year-old Bella. Talk about age gap. In case I haven’t mentioned it, the author reminds you every two pages that Edward is an awesome personification of awesomeness. I was\really awe stuck!! Rest of the story is the standard formula. Add forbidden love, a pinch of angst and a villain and shake it. Out pours a saccharine love story.
As you can see, the story is just laughable. I kept imagining somebody falling in love with their food. To give you a better picture, here is how the story will look like if told by Edward, a human being, who falls in love with his food.

I am Edward. I am a human being. I used to eat chicken for breakfast, lunch and dinner and when I got hungry in the middle of the night. But I became a vegetarian. I vowed not to eat chicken any more. In fact, I go to school with a flock of chicken and pretend to be a chicken myself.
One day, this extraordinary chicken waltzed into my class! It smelled just like Butter Chicken Masala . I was overcome with hunger. It started looking like a barbecued chicken, so enticing, so inviting. But at the same time, I was terribly attracted to it too! I had all these feelings I couldn’t understand. Let’s just say, chicken breast started meaning more than just a sandwich to me. I was confused. Testosterone and hunger fought for control over my body. I wanted to kiss its delicate wing, make sandwich out of it, cuddle it and whisper Chicken-65 recipe softly into its ear.
The chicken had uncontrollable attraction for me too. What can I say, chicks dig me. I tried to persuade her to leave me. I confessed my hunger for her. I explained to her the various senses of the sentence, but She wouldn’t relent. She had dreams of marrying me.
When the love story between us was cooking, another human laid his eyes on my chicken. He wanted it for a dinner date, where the date becomes dinner. I protected my feathered friend and made it mine.
I implored it to leave town, find greener pastures; I didn’t want to clip its wings. But it decided to abandon all its family for a human it knew for about 2 months and stay with me. Now I know why they call it chicken brain. We were a happy couple. Rest of the story is for birds.

ear.
The chicken had uncontrollable attraction for me too. What can I say, chicks dig me. I tried to persuade her to leave me. I confessed my hunger for her. I explained to her the various senses of the sentence, but She wouldn’t relent. She had dreams of marrying me.
When the love story between us was cooking, another human laid his eyes on my chicken. He wanted it for a dinner date, where the date becomes dinner. I protected my feathered friend and made it mine.
I implored it to leave town, find greener pastures; I didn’t want to clip its wings. But it decided to abandon all its family for a human it knew for about 2 months and stay with me. Now I know why they call it chicken brain. We were a happy couple. Rest of the story is for birds.