Algorithm to find your Love. [Sophisticated type]

Posted: November 18, 2011 in Humor
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Well I finally realized that it’s all about algorithms, the role algorithms play in our lives is important and crucial and hence understanding them is of utmost importance. Its as simple as that, if you don’t have an algorithm you’re screwed, dead, no future at all.
We at the future love and relationship centre believe in helping and algorithms come in handy. Our team of three have tried and tested these algorithms and fine tuned them with what you call as ‘optimization techniques’ to provide hundred percent success rate. I don’t know how my other two friends are going to react to this post, but yeah guys I believe in helping so be it, our friendship at stake. 😀
Alright without wasting any further time in self appreciation, I would like you to focus and concentrate on the algorithm part because it is dry without any reference to any flowchart or diagram.
We assume that you start stalking around (let’s call it for time being) from college.
Start
Step 1
Your eyes are your binoculars, make good use of them and find your targets (should be more than five for efficient results.
PS: Never and I repeat it, never look for target in your own class. [You don’t want to end up regretting at the end.]
Step 2
Information gathering
You’ve a narrowed search result consisting of only five girls. Whoa! Cheers to that.
Facebook them, follow them on twitter, and if you’re charming, liar and sophisticated make friends with them [All of them, I repeat ‘ALL OF THEM’]
Nb : It is very important to be friends with all of them, we can’t ignore the detail part of the information gathering process. Inadequate information gives no result, isn’t it?
Step 3
I always thought quotations [Love and relationship], inspirational, positivity, were nothing but crap, I haven’t changed and hence single till date, infact I’m the only one who is single among us three. Isn’t it guys?
Follow every quotation, every facebook page that reads ‘Gyaan’ [Utter crap], every twitter bot that is as ugly as shit and yes don’t forget to neighbor those five girls in ‘Cityville’. I’m sorry but you will have to play these for love sake. I know it sounds gay but deal with it or stop reading this post. Remember to throw an occasional sheep or hen in ‘riya’s’ yard and borrow some eggs [hen eggs] from priya in Farmville. Make sure you send them flowers every morning using those Korean applications on web. E cards are a strict no.
Change your home page to the network that they follow the most. Be online 24/7, deal with it! Love is not easy. Change your profile pic to ‘Justin beiber’ or some other gay kind cartoon holding heart in hand or with a beautiful quotation. This works!!
Now that you’re one of those fellows who rarely misses to comment/like or share their (5 girls) posts, I assume you have gathered some information about them.
Ok, I know this is bit disappointing but this is the ultimate truth, three out of those five have fallen for their best friends from school!! I hate guys who use school as base for war, spineless creatures. I know it hurts, but hey look for the silver lining, you have to concentrate on two girls only. Lesser the better!!
Step 4
Just do it!!
Now that you’re real good friends with the two girls, I ASSUME YOU TO BE!!
Share your joys (lies) and sorrows (Moulded truths) with only ONE of the two girls and be very casual friend with the other one.
Now this other girl if she feels a thing about you, she will bitch about the other one you’re close to [pretending to be close].
Notice her behavior, online as well as offline. Online-She has decreased her facebook activity and most of her time is spent in searching for depressing profile picture or an ultra sad status update.
If these conditions prevail, you win!! Don’t act fool now, you’re almost there!
Step 5
Say ‘I LOVE YOU’ to the one you’re really pretending to be close. I know *Face palmed*!! Don’t worry, this is what algorithm wanted as result, you’re doing just fine.
‘I love you’ doesn’t always mean a bollywood ending, for some girls it’s just a sign of staying away from guy who uses this. 😀
Step 6
Go home and tell your only girl to change her profile picture to the photo which you two clicked together. Update your relationship status and its all done, she is yours now.
Start liking all her ‘How love wins?!’ posts. And don’t forget to block the other four girls. 😀

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